Thursday, June 26, 2008
Pre evaluation parent meeting
Last night I met with the Dr who will be evaluating Timmy, Dr Johnson. She was very nice and very thorough. She did confirm that some of the things Timmy is doing are a bit...beyond his years. For instance his need for acceptance and desire to be cool or fit in. She also mentioned that it sounded like he may in fact be gifted and that some of his issue could stem from that. When I first starting looking for help and direction with his behavior I found information that said that gifted kids have behaviors that often mimic ADHD but then things got worse and he got harder to control and I had sort of just forgot about that theory. So I'll be interested to see what all comes out of his eval. But we'll get hopefully some of our answers in three weeks.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
in tears
Sunday morning was a rough on from the start but when we got to church it was horrible. Timmy would not listen or behave for anything. Even despite a few trips to the bathroom for correction.
I had to hold him firmly by the wrist/arm and he still flailed around like a nut, yelling that I was ripping his arm off and that I was going to pay for a new arm. A long time acquaintance came to talk to me and was obviously taken back by his behavior. I was so embarrassed that by the time we were able to get him to Sunday School I had to take a moment in the bathroom before entering service, where everyone was still able to tell I'd been crying.
But then we got home and with in a half hour his eyes got glassy and he had a fever. He has been down for 3 full days with a virus now and I'm guessing that played into the behavior. For as crazy as he can be this was over the top, even for him.
I had to hold him firmly by the wrist/arm and he still flailed around like a nut, yelling that I was ripping his arm off and that I was going to pay for a new arm. A long time acquaintance came to talk to me and was obviously taken back by his behavior. I was so embarrassed that by the time we were able to get him to Sunday School I had to take a moment in the bathroom before entering service, where everyone was still able to tell I'd been crying.
But then we got home and with in a half hour his eyes got glassy and he had a fever. He has been down for 3 full days with a virus now and I'm guessing that played into the behavior. For as crazy as he can be this was over the top, even for him.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
more and more
I swear there is more aggression everyday from Timmy.
Over the weekend a neighbor came over to play in our yard and Timmy kept punching AT, no real intent to hit him but still backing the kid through the yard with his punches in the air. And mind you this kid is several years older and a few inches bigger than he is. He is also a great Martial Arts student, so he COULD kick his butt if the kid chose to. But instead he's take Timmy down, pretty gently really and just sort of lay on him in an attempt to chill him out. After a coupe times of that Timmy got mad at tried to spit on him...so off to his room he went kicking and screaming.
Then yesterday was the first day of VBS and though I didn't see him the whole time when I did he didn't look like he was being very nice to his leaders. At the end of the day I asked and they confirmed that yes he was being very aggressive. I told them he would be talked to that night and given a bit of a chance the next day but if he continued I'd pull him out since they shouldn't have to deal with that. But they swore it wasn't that bad and not to pull him out over it. But Timmy was told this is what will happen so we'll see how today goes. I just HATE not being able to do whatever we want with him without worrying about him mistreating people. While he's been wound up and noisy for a long time this meanness is really a new things and is just killing me.
Over the weekend a neighbor came over to play in our yard and Timmy kept punching AT, no real intent to hit him but still backing the kid through the yard with his punches in the air. And mind you this kid is several years older and a few inches bigger than he is. He is also a great Martial Arts student, so he COULD kick his butt if the kid chose to. But instead he's take Timmy down, pretty gently really and just sort of lay on him in an attempt to chill him out. After a coupe times of that Timmy got mad at tried to spit on him...so off to his room he went kicking and screaming.
Then yesterday was the first day of VBS and though I didn't see him the whole time when I did he didn't look like he was being very nice to his leaders. At the end of the day I asked and they confirmed that yes he was being very aggressive. I told them he would be talked to that night and given a bit of a chance the next day but if he continued I'd pull him out since they shouldn't have to deal with that. But they swore it wasn't that bad and not to pull him out over it. But Timmy was told this is what will happen so we'll see how today goes. I just HATE not being able to do whatever we want with him without worrying about him mistreating people. While he's been wound up and noisy for a long time this meanness is really a new things and is just killing me.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Another lovely day
OK so it really wasn't THAT bad, the house is still standing and every one's alive.
But the boys went to the sitter for the first time in a couple weeks and that meant they were up early! That ALWAYS makes for an even more exciting day. Timmy ended up in time-out at the sitter because she said he sort of just freaked out and was yelling and sort of thrashing around with toys in his hands. He said he didn't remember why he had done that. But she said he calmed down after a couple minutes in their time out spot and was fine the rest of the day. THANK GOD, because time outs at our house typically involve 5+ minutes of screaming and kicking the wall. Which did happen last night. They boys were fighting over a Spiderman mask and both became physically aggressive with pushing/shoving and solid punches and kicks being unleashed. So they BOTH got a 10 minutes time out in hopes of them calming down. It was extra fun since we had company. And at this point I don't have a place to separate them for time outs where they AND our stuff is safe so they both went into their beds, in the same room. Their issue was quickly resolved as they turned against me, a new common enemy. Once they'd done their time they were fine because their grampa took them outside to play.
But the boys went to the sitter for the first time in a couple weeks and that meant they were up early! That ALWAYS makes for an even more exciting day. Timmy ended up in time-out at the sitter because she said he sort of just freaked out and was yelling and sort of thrashing around with toys in his hands. He said he didn't remember why he had done that. But she said he calmed down after a couple minutes in their time out spot and was fine the rest of the day. THANK GOD, because time outs at our house typically involve 5+ minutes of screaming and kicking the wall. Which did happen last night. They boys were fighting over a Spiderman mask and both became physically aggressive with pushing/shoving and solid punches and kicks being unleashed. So they BOTH got a 10 minutes time out in hopes of them calming down. It was extra fun since we had company. And at this point I don't have a place to separate them for time outs where they AND our stuff is safe so they both went into their beds, in the same room. Their issue was quickly resolved as they turned against me, a new common enemy. Once they'd done their time they were fine because their grampa took them outside to play.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Another rough weekend
It was another rough weekend in our house. The weather was nasty so we were stuck in doors a lot of it. Saturday we had an extra Tball practice. While Timmy refused to do the warm up exercises as he has at every practice he did OK the rest of the time. He's still diggin in the drit between each hit. It was really hot though and an extra long practice so I think he did well. The we went to see Tom's parents at his sisters house and I will say Timmy did pretty darn well there. And didn't drive us too crazy on the hour plus drive each way.
Sunday we went to church. His Sunday school teacher said he was good and he was busy coloring when I arrived to pick him up so I HOPE its the truth as we've had a few BAD days there too. But the rest of the day was pretty much a train wreck. They both seemed to have some cabin fever and Johnny was pushing some of his buttons too. But it was Timmy that ended up in a major time out for biting Johnny's leg hard enough to leave a good bruise.
Sunday we went to church. His Sunday school teacher said he was good and he was busy coloring when I arrived to pick him up so I HOPE its the truth as we've had a few BAD days there too. But the rest of the day was pretty much a train wreck. They both seemed to have some cabin fever and Johnny was pushing some of his buttons too. But it was Timmy that ended up in a major time out for biting Johnny's leg hard enough to leave a good bruise.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
some current struggles
Let me first start by saying that Timmy is an amazing child, he is upper intelligent, very thoughtful and wise beyond his years. It is not my intent to make it sound like he is a bad kid or that we do not love him with all our hearts. I don't know what I would do with out him, but most days ARE a mentally and physically exhausting struggle with him and I am simply attempting to document THOSE struggles here. All the great stuff in our family is recorded in my general personal blog....
Daily struggles:
Daily struggles:
- running in the house
- yelling and screaming in the house
- use of "potty" words
- being overly physical with Johnny while "playing"
- recently he has begun to raise his fists to me when I ask him to do something or stop doing something
- general listening/attention
- inability to sit calmly to eat a meal
Other issues:
Right now Timmy is very much into making and spending time with friends. As the weather warms and they get outside to play more he has gotten to know some neighborhood kids and begs to play with them daily. While this is a normal thing it is an additional burden as I have to worry about his behavior with other kids. The other night we went to the neighbors house to let all the kids play on their swing set. All was going well for a good amount of time until another neighbor boy came over with some sort of ribbon/award. The boy who's yard we were in had grabbed it and was running and try playing a sort of keep away game. His mother quickly put and end to it and had him give it back. But I think Timmy got caught up in it and in effort to feel included or liked by the boy who's yard we were in he grabbed the other boy by the back of his jacket and was dragging him around yelling for someone to "grab the treasure." Even though this boy was a bit taller than Timmy, he was being flung around somewhat like a rag doll. I immediately yelled for him to let him go but he didn't. So there I go running across the yard, 20 pound baby in hand yelling for him to let go. But he did not let go until I grabbed the hand that had a hold of the boys jacket. The poor boy looked like he was very close to tears. I made Timmy apologize and the boy very kindly said he forgave him. But at that point I felt Timmy needed to go home. He however disagreed and I had to basically pull him across the alley screaming the whole way "I didn't know that would get me in trouble!" When we got in the house and I told him it looked like the boy was about to cry when I got to him I believe he felt truly sorry and had not ever intended to be being the bully that he was. But regardless, he had basically made me biggest worry a reality.
Background
Forgive me in advance as I'm sure this will be very lengthy...
Our journey began 5 and half years ago when Timmy was born. I was induced at 38 weeks because of high blood pressure but aside from that the labor and delivery went without incident and we had a beautiful healthy son. He as 9 pounds 6 ounces at birth. He was a pretty mild mannered baby. From very early on he preferred to be out and about with lots of activity and people over being at home and by 5 months old or so would rather be in his excersaucer or active somehow than be held unless he was tired. He was also a super smart guy. He learned to sign many signs well before he was a year old. And I often freaked people out, including my own mom by insisting he knew his shapes before a year as well and then proving it with the shapes from a shape sorter. Before 18 months he was speaking in short sentences that were clear enough for strangers to understand. Overall he was a delightful little guy to be around. He even handled the addition of his brother to the family when he was just 13 months old better than any mother could hope for. He was gentle and careful with the baby. He was patient enough to wait for a drink or snack or story until I was done feeding the baby almost every time. The only thing he did that anyone ever worried about was his humming. He would hum in a monotonous tone whenever he concentrated or was tired. We were asked many times about this by friends and family but with no other indications of an issue the Dr, though he'd never heard of it before said it was probably just something he did to soothe himself and not to worry about it.
Timmy continued to grow and learn at an amazing rate and even when he hit the terrible twos he was not terrible.
Unfortunately that next year would be a really hard one for all of us. Before he turned four he would endure the loss of his great grandmother, who until she became ill had been a very active part of his life; he watched his grandmother undergo chemo therapy while battling cancer for the second time; his older half brother moved with his mother over 1000 miles away; and he was subjected to the fighting and tension in our house as a result of drug and alcohol abuse and ultimately two separations before a reconciliation. All the while it was becoming more and more obvious that he was beyond the "normal" level of activity of a little boy. And he also became more unmanageable. While I pushed aside my concerns chalking it up to acting out because of circumstance things have only continued to worsen.
Currently Timmy is overly loud, almost ALWAYS, he still hums when he concentrates and while sometimes it appears he is aware of what he is doing and possibly just waiting for someone to comment on it, often times he seems to legitimately not be aware of it. He is also always on the move. He rarely walks anyway, he either runs skips or hops almost constantly. While he can stay focused on an activity he likes he is still almost always moving, it may just be a wiggly leg or a tapping finger but he is almost never at rest until he passes out at night. And when he crashes he crashes hard.
It wasn't until this last year that I've felt I could no longer push aside my concerns about his behavior. I started by speaking with his preschool teachers. They felt it was most likely not ADHD because his actions often seem willful and not uncontrollable as with ADHD, but they encouraged me to speak with my Dr if I was concerned. After doing a lot of research and talking to a LOT of people I really felt that I was right in that something was not right. I could for sure say he did or did not have ADHD but that SOMETHING was going on with him that he needed help with. So I called our Pediatrician. An appointment was set and we were mailed a package with questionnaires to fill out. There was one for my husband and I and one for his teachers. When I got the survey back from the teachers I cried as I read it. While I was not directly surprised by the issues he was having, it hurt to see that they were seeing that it was affecting his relationships with his classmates. To me there is only one goal in parenting and that is to raise a happy well adjusted child and it seemed something was missing the mark. When we met with the Dr I was worried that Timmy might act out of the norm for his considering it was the Drs office but as luck would have it, he very clearly demonstrated his true self by bouncing from place to place within the room the ENTIRE time. The Dr went over the surveys and told me that typically when they look at them they look for 6 affirmative answers in each area and while the one my husband and I completed had 9 his teachers only had 5. He felt that the discrepancy was most likely due to the small amount of time he was at school as opposed to home. But he asked that because of this AND his age that we have him evaluated by a psychologist. After attempting to have the evaluation done by our school district to no avail I contacted the Dr our pediatrician had referred us to and set up an evaluation.
I will meet with the Dr at the end of June for a pre eval meeting. And then she will meet with Timmy for 2 1/2hours three times in one week. This will be a comprehensive evaluation that will hopefully provide us with some solid answers and let me tell you it can not come too quickly.
We are currently really struggling to hold things together as Timmy continues to act out, we have a 4 month old very needy baby and in the midst of it all Johnny is fighting for attention.
Our journey began 5 and half years ago when Timmy was born. I was induced at 38 weeks because of high blood pressure but aside from that the labor and delivery went without incident and we had a beautiful healthy son. He as 9 pounds 6 ounces at birth. He was a pretty mild mannered baby. From very early on he preferred to be out and about with lots of activity and people over being at home and by 5 months old or so would rather be in his excersaucer or active somehow than be held unless he was tired. He was also a super smart guy. He learned to sign many signs well before he was a year old. And I often freaked people out, including my own mom by insisting he knew his shapes before a year as well and then proving it with the shapes from a shape sorter. Before 18 months he was speaking in short sentences that were clear enough for strangers to understand. Overall he was a delightful little guy to be around. He even handled the addition of his brother to the family when he was just 13 months old better than any mother could hope for. He was gentle and careful with the baby. He was patient enough to wait for a drink or snack or story until I was done feeding the baby almost every time. The only thing he did that anyone ever worried about was his humming. He would hum in a monotonous tone whenever he concentrated or was tired. We were asked many times about this by friends and family but with no other indications of an issue the Dr, though he'd never heard of it before said it was probably just something he did to soothe himself and not to worry about it.
Timmy continued to grow and learn at an amazing rate and even when he hit the terrible twos he was not terrible.
Unfortunately that next year would be a really hard one for all of us. Before he turned four he would endure the loss of his great grandmother, who until she became ill had been a very active part of his life; he watched his grandmother undergo chemo therapy while battling cancer for the second time; his older half brother moved with his mother over 1000 miles away; and he was subjected to the fighting and tension in our house as a result of drug and alcohol abuse and ultimately two separations before a reconciliation. All the while it was becoming more and more obvious that he was beyond the "normal" level of activity of a little boy. And he also became more unmanageable. While I pushed aside my concerns chalking it up to acting out because of circumstance things have only continued to worsen.
Currently Timmy is overly loud, almost ALWAYS, he still hums when he concentrates and while sometimes it appears he is aware of what he is doing and possibly just waiting for someone to comment on it, often times he seems to legitimately not be aware of it. He is also always on the move. He rarely walks anyway, he either runs skips or hops almost constantly. While he can stay focused on an activity he likes he is still almost always moving, it may just be a wiggly leg or a tapping finger but he is almost never at rest until he passes out at night. And when he crashes he crashes hard.
It wasn't until this last year that I've felt I could no longer push aside my concerns about his behavior. I started by speaking with his preschool teachers. They felt it was most likely not ADHD because his actions often seem willful and not uncontrollable as with ADHD, but they encouraged me to speak with my Dr if I was concerned. After doing a lot of research and talking to a LOT of people I really felt that I was right in that something was not right. I could for sure say he did or did not have ADHD but that SOMETHING was going on with him that he needed help with. So I called our Pediatrician. An appointment was set and we were mailed a package with questionnaires to fill out. There was one for my husband and I and one for his teachers. When I got the survey back from the teachers I cried as I read it. While I was not directly surprised by the issues he was having, it hurt to see that they were seeing that it was affecting his relationships with his classmates. To me there is only one goal in parenting and that is to raise a happy well adjusted child and it seemed something was missing the mark. When we met with the Dr I was worried that Timmy might act out of the norm for his considering it was the Drs office but as luck would have it, he very clearly demonstrated his true self by bouncing from place to place within the room the ENTIRE time. The Dr went over the surveys and told me that typically when they look at them they look for 6 affirmative answers in each area and while the one my husband and I completed had 9 his teachers only had 5. He felt that the discrepancy was most likely due to the small amount of time he was at school as opposed to home. But he asked that because of this AND his age that we have him evaluated by a psychologist. After attempting to have the evaluation done by our school district to no avail I contacted the Dr our pediatrician had referred us to and set up an evaluation.
I will meet with the Dr at the end of June for a pre eval meeting. And then she will meet with Timmy for 2 1/2hours three times in one week. This will be a comprehensive evaluation that will hopefully provide us with some solid answers and let me tell you it can not come too quickly.
We are currently really struggling to hold things together as Timmy continues to act out, we have a 4 month old very needy baby and in the midst of it all Johnny is fighting for attention.
My Purpose
My purpose for starting this blog is two fold. First I'd like to have a place to keep a record of the things I want to remember to be able to share in the evaluation process and hopefully be able to use to see an improvement in our situation at some point down the road.
But also I hope that at some point I will feel comfortable making it openly public and that it may help someone else going down our road feel like there are others out there that understand.
For all we hear about the increase in Dx for kids with ADHD and autism and the like it sure feels lonely when you're going through issues without answers and everyone and their uncle has some thoughts on what your doing wrong to have created the issues.
But also I hope that at some point I will feel comfortable making it openly public and that it may help someone else going down our road feel like there are others out there that understand.
For all we hear about the increase in Dx for kids with ADHD and autism and the like it sure feels lonely when you're going through issues without answers and everyone and their uncle has some thoughts on what your doing wrong to have created the issues.
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